Evacuation

This camp hadn’t been too bad.  The guards were men their thirties or forties who, in most cases, seemed considerate and free of any hatred towards us, even a guard from Cologne whose city had been bombed badly.  There was one guard who was a stinker and, I know, stole some guys’ cigarettes and was We packed, and it wasn’t a problem.  None of us had much:  our blanket, our cardboard suitcase, a very few things, and most of all our food.  By noon we march out.  I saw some fellow get the violinist out of the incinerator.  I don’t think he was aware of what was going on.  The fellow holding his hand had two suitcases to carry.  It was very touching to see that he was to be taken care of.

We retraced the road to the railroad station.  It wasn’t a long march, but how different than when we arrived.  We were then mostly a dirty, unshaven lot.  So many of us had been on our own for a while or even held in jails as I had been.  Now we had a change of underwear and socks, some food and toilet articles.  But we were leaving behind our gardens.  We never really got much benefit from all our work except that it had been something for many fellows to do with their time.

Friends stayed together as my friends and I stayed together.  Gotty, Rudy, Russel, and I made sure we were near each other, and we got into the same box car.  Even though it was warm, I wore my British Air Force jacket.  It was my most valuable item beside my shoes and food; and I didn’t care if I was too warm.  This way I couldn’t lose it unless someone took it by force.

We weren’t on this train very long, maybe a couple of hours, before it stopped and we were ordered out of the car.  We could see that we were on the coast of the North Sea.  It was a busy port, evidently for freight, but we didn’t know exactly the place.  It might have been Lithuania.  When we got moving, we could see we were headed for a huge freighter and that POW’s were already being boarded on it.  Men were climbing up a ladder to the very top of a loading entrance.  It was the type of ship I’d seen pictures of in which grain was poured into holes for storage.

I know I felt nervous about this, but I felt a little relieved when I saw at the very top two German soldiers at each side of the hole.  They gave the appearance of being helpful when guys got to the top.  It looked from where I was as if they took the suitcases to help the men get to the final entrance, the hole.  This sort of made me less concerned, but this feeling didn’t last long.  It wasn’t hard to get to the deck by the climb up the ladder, a permanent metal ladder bolted to the side of the ship.  I lost all contact with my friends.  I just applied myself to the climb.  I didn’t look down at the water.  I had to hold onto to my suitcase, my food, my possessions, so I climbed leaning against the ladder and holding on with one hand, as did the others, I guess.  I didn’t look.

It was a slow climb and a long climb before I came to the two soldiers at the very top.  Although they looked as if they were being helpful, helpful they were not.  They grabbed my precious suitcase from me, my food, my blankets, everything I owned, while I had to hang on to the ladder, and threw it all into the hole and pushed me toward the ladder descending into the hole.  The suitcase fell to the floor of this hole bouncing up but protected because it landed on a bunch of suitcases already lying in a pile.  I hadn’t time to really look but only glanced when I was clinging to the ladder going down to the floor of this ship, a floor below the water level.

For a long time, several years, I tried not to think of this experience.  If I thought of it, I felt the despair of that moment.  I didn’t know how long I would be down there or where I was going.  The guards pushed so hard at the start, I was lucky to hang on to the ladder.  The climb down was easier, I had nothing to carry.

Luckily, my friends and I were able to gather together at the base of this ladder, but very briefly because suitcases were still being thrown down.  We moved to the side and established a spot for ourselves against the ribs of the ship.  We could sit there against the side of the ship and watch the mess at the foot of the ladder.  We couldn’t possibly get our suitcases; we could have been killed if we tried.  The first few that had been thrown had burst open and all the contents scattered, but when there was a cushion of broken cases, there were many that had stayed together.

I had gotten a hold of myself and got back to taking things as they came and not speculating.  It was easier to do this with my friends as it was with them, each of them.  I was sure of this, although that was one thing we never talked about.

I don’t know how long we sat there like this.  We didn’t talk.  We just sat there and watched.  Finally, no more men were coming down the ladder, and the covering on the hole was closed.  Thanks to a kind fate, the lights were left on.  We could see, and we all got busy with the pile of our cases.  I found mine.  I had marked it with my name as had my friends.  Our cases hadn’t broken.  They were a little damaged, but the stuff inside, mainly our food, was still there.  The guys whose cases had broken open got some of their things, and fellows around them shared.

By now it was night although we couldn’t see out.  This day had passed, we thought.  We knew the ship had sailed.  We could feel it roll.  There was one guy missing, our violinist.  The fellows with him had seen him fall from the ladder into the sea, and they told us they couldn’t see if anyone went after him.  We never saw him again, so we never knew.

We hadn’t eaten since breakfast so when we settled back into our space against the ribs of the ship, we got at our food and ate a little.  We didn’t have any water.  I couldn’t eat much, and besides I didn’t know how long I’d have to make my food last.  Some of the guys seemed to set up housekeeping, using the supports to the ribs of the ship as shelves.

The lights stayed on, and gradually everyone settled down in as comfortable way as possible.  I slept although it was so terribly hot, and we were so crowded.

I saw one of the guys near me have his jar of grape jelly fall off the metal supports to the ribs of the ship which he was using for a shelf.  The ship rolled a lot during the night, and beside knocking loose things around it, it was unpleasant and certainly unpleasant for him.  He lost his jelly, but in a way, he kept it because it fell on his head, and the jelly ran through his hair.  By morning it had dried; his hair was solid, and he had no way of getting clean.

The rolling stopped and we felt surely, we had docked when the covering over the hole was lifted.  We could see sunshine and feel hope that we would get out of this hot prison.  It was so hot I had even taken off my precious jacket, but I had tied it around my waist.  I couldn’t take a chance of losing it.

I didn’t hear any order telling us to climb the ladder, but I climbed, following others.  I have only a vague memory of this climb, almost like I was in a dream.  Even the climb down is vague.  I hadn’t slept well; I was hungry and thirsty.  There was nothing I could do for myself.  I was totally under control of others with no idea where I was going or what would happen next.

The dock was ringed with soldiers, soldiers with drawn rifles pointed at us.  We stood on the dock for a while, my friends and I still together, until they started to march us off towards a freight train.  We four managed to get into the same car, and as usual they kept putting men on until we were packed in so that we were hardly able to sit on the floor, only with our knees drawn up so that we were able to hold our cases, or put it beside us or sit on it.

The doors slid closed, and it was fairly dark with the only light being from the cracks in the walls of the freight car.  Everyone had to urinate.  Some of the guys produced klim cans, and we took turns using them and then passing them to fellows near the door who poured the urine out at the base of the door.

The train came to a halt later, and we were ordered out of the cars and ordered to leave our cases behind.  This frightened me, what did they intend to do?  Guards were everywhere with drawn rifles.  Then in English we were told to use the field to relieve ourselves.  Guys pulled their pants down and squatted in the field.  I tried this too, but nothing happened.  I hadn’t eaten much.  We weren’t there long and were herded back into the freight car, but not for very long, maybe a couple of hours.

©Joseph H. Harrison 1999